6 Ways to Set Boundaries Without Guilt

By Sharon Martin, LCSW

Many of us avoid setting boundaries because we feel guilty when we set a limit or ask for something. Feeling guilty is understandable. However, not setting boundaries can lead to bigger problems, especially if you are pregnant or in postpartum.

Boundaries are important for several reasons. They create healthy relationships and clear expectations. Boundaries protect us from being hurt and taken advantage of. And they ensure that we use our time, energy, and money for the things that matter most to us.

Learning to set boundaries without feeling guilty can be challenging, but it is possible. It involves changing the way you think about yourself and your boundaries. We need to move away from a people-pleaser mindset that lets others dictate what’s right for us, and begin to prioritize our needs.

Boundaries are a form of self-care; everyone needs to take care of themselves in order to be healthy, happy, productive, and compassionate. You can challenge your guilty feelings and see if they’re warranted by asking yourself the following questions, adapted from my book The Better Boundaries Workbook (Martin, 2021).

• Is it really wrong to ________________?

• Do I believe this is wrong or is this someone else’s belief?

• Would I tell a friend that it’s wrong to _______________?

• Is my guilt based on unrealistic expectations of myself?

• Does feeling guilty about __________ help me be the healthiest, happiest version of myself?

• Can I tolerate someone being displeased with me if I’m doing what’s best for me?

Tips for setting boundaries without guilt

Setting boundaries is easier and less guilt-provoking when you keep these tips in mind.

1. Boundaries aren’t selfish.

2. Boundaries strengthen relationships.

3. Setting boundaries is good for you.

4. Tune into your needs.

5. Practice, practice, practice.

6. Be kind to yourself.