By Karen Kleiman
What if I get sick and can’t take care of my baby?
What if my baby gets sick?
What if my partner gets sick?
How do I do this all alone?
Being a new mother is hard.
One of the things we have learned — thanks to increased awareness and the circulation of good, accurate information about maternal mental health — is scary, negative intrusive thoughts about harm coming to the baby are a stressful but common expression of normal anxiety. Almost every single new mother and most new fathers experience the presence of scary thoughts that can range from mildly annoying to excruciatingly painful and debilitating.
It may be hard to distinguish between “normal scary thoughts” and those triggered by the current extraordinary stressors associated with sheltering in, isolation, quarantining, social distancing and all the other mandates that are imposing gut-wrenching restrictions. It stands to reason new mothers today are bombarded on a moment-to-moment basis with negative thoughts that may feel out of control, never-ending and often shame-inducing. After all, we often hear, “How can a good mother think these thoughts?”
But good mothers do have these scary thoughts. Awful thoughts. Terrifying thoughts. Indescribable and unfathomable thoughts. And if these moms do not find the support and validation they need, the thoughts can swirl around in their heads, gaining momentum from the fear. Anxiety is at an all-time high right now, for good reason. It’s scary outside and some new moms understandably feel out of control with anxiety. When the anxiety emerges within the context of having a new baby, it often manifests as specific thoughts about something horrible happening to the baby. By accident, or by intent. The guilt and worry can be excruciating.
Information and knowledge about the nature of these scary thoughts can empower women and help them feel more in control.
New moms need to know:
Scary thoughts are a very common symptom of postpartum depression and anxiety, but can also be present in the absence of a clinical depression and anxiety.
Scary thoughts are negative, repetitive, unwanted, intrusive thoughts that can bombard you at any time. They can come out of nowhere.
Scary thoughts can range from mild to unbearable.
Scary thoughts can come in the form of thoughts (“What if I burn the baby in the bathtub?”) or images (picturing the baby falling off the changing table).
Scary thoughts can be indirect or passive (something might happen to the baby) or they can imply intention (thoughts or images of you throwing the baby against the wall).
Scary thoughts are not indication of psychosis.
Scary thoughts can be part of a postpartum obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) diagnosis or they may occur in the absence of a full-blown diagnosis.
If you have a history of OCD or tend to be a worrier or describe yourself as overly analytical or a perfectionist, you may be at increased risk to experience this symptom. Then again, you may have no history of any anxiety symptoms.
Scary thoughts will often make you feel like you’re a “bad mother.” They can make you feel guilty and ashamed. Try not to beat yourself up about this. You are not your thoughts. Remind yourself it is a symptom. It is not who you are.
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